Hope in You

June 02, 2016

After going to doctor appointments I tend to feel defeated; even though good things are said.

For the most part I can separate my medical needs from what I call "regular" life.

I have days where I choose to accept my cross whereas I also have days when I feel I can't carry it any further.

The feeling of hopelessness. Choosing to accept it because what else do you do.

After dreaded appointments and after being faced with my situation, I hit a low.

I fight the tears but that doesn't work. I fight the questions because I don't want answers. Their aren't answers.

I think of Jesus in the garden the night before he died. His words of desperate prayer,

"Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done."

Luke 22:42

How many times I have prayed this, Lord. How many times I ask. Yet not my will but Yours.

I relate to Jesus, though I am me and He is Lord.

I relate to his suffering in the sense of his humanness.

I confide in Him and ask Him to help me.

Jesus, restore my hope.

This song was in my head all day yesterday.